LECTURE: Goals of Misbehavior and the Crucial 4 C's

The following article  is from Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner. It is posted for educational purposes only. (From https://www.imdetermined.org)

The Crucial Cs and Rudolf Dreikurs’ Short-Range Goals of Misbehavior

Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner

Child’s belief	Child feels	Child’s negative goal	Adult feels	Adult’s impulse	Child’s response to correction
I only count when I’m being noticed	insecure alienated	ATTENTION	irritated annoyed	REMIND What, again?	“temporarily” stops
My strength is in showing you that you can’t make me and you can’t stop me.	inadequate, dependent others are in control	POWER	angry challenged	FIGHT I insist that you do as I say.	misbehavior intensifies
I knew you were against me.  No one really likes me.  I’ll show you how it feels.	insignificant	REVENGE get back get even	hurt or wants to punish	PUNISH How could you do this to me? us? them? I’ll teach you a lesson.	wants to get even,  makes self disliked
I can’t do anything right so I won’t try.  If I don’t try, my failures won’t be so obvious.	inferior useless hopeless	AVOIDANCE display of inadequacy	despair I give up. hopeless	GIVE UP It’s no use.	passive, no change, more hopeless, displays inadequacy

Remember:  Misbehavior is a symptom of the child’s discouragement at not having the Crucial Cs.  Use encouragement and training through natural and logical consequences.  Consider and agree on choices together.

Crucial Cs	Constructive Alternatives	Child’s belief	Child feels	Child’s positive goal
CONNECT	Replace negative attention with positive attention.  Plan activities together.  Don’t ignore the child; ignore the misbehavior.  Teach self-sufficiency.	I belong.	secure	COOPERATION
CAPABLE	Don’t try to win.  Give opportunity and choices so child can display power constructively. Maintain friendly attitude.	I can do it.	competent self-control	SELF-RELIANCE
COUNT	Avoid anger and hurt feelings.  Maintain, appreciation in relationship.  Offer chances to help.  Seek support and help in identifying positives.  (Don’t give up.)	I matter.  I can make a difference.	significant valuable	CONTRIBUTION
COURAGE	Notice only strengths and ignore the negative.  Set up steady exposure to manageable tasks that have a guarantee of success. No criticism.	I can handle what comes.	hopeful willing to try	RESILIENCY

Copyright © 1995 Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner.  The authors grant permission to copy this chart for educational purposes only, provided that the authors are cited.