Saturday, September 8, 2018

LECTURE: Goals of Misbehavior and the Crucial 4 C's


The following article  is from Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner. It is posted for educational purposes only. (From https://www.imdetermined.org)

The Crucial Cs and Rudolf Dreikurs’ Short-Range Goals of Misbehavior
Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner

Child’s belief

Child feels
Child’s negative goal

Adult feels

Adult’s impulse
Child’s response to correction
I only count when I’m being noticed

insecure
alienated


ATTENTION

irritated annoyed
REMIND
What, again?

“temporarily” stops
My strength is in showing you that you can’t make me and you can’t stop me.


inadequate,
dependent others are
in control


POWER


angry
challenged


FIGHT
I insist that you do as I say.


misbehavior intensifies
I knew you were against me.  No one really likes me.  I’ll show you how it feels.

insignificant

REVENGE
get back
get even

hurt or wants to punish

PUNISH
How could you do this to me? us? them?
I’ll teach you a lesson.


wants to get even,
 makes self disliked
I can’t do anything right so I won’t try.  If I don’t try, my failures won’t be so obvious.

inferior
useless
hopeless

AVOIDANCE

display of inadequacy

despair
I give up.
hopeless

GIVE UP

It’s no use.

passive,
no change,
more hopeless,
displays
inadequacy


Remember:  Misbehavior is a symptom of the child’s discouragement at not having the Crucial Cs.  Use encouragement and training through natural and logical consequences.  Consider and agree on choices together.


Crucial Cs
Constructive Alternatives
Child’s belief
Child feels
Child’s positive goal

CONNECT
Replace negative attention with positive attention.  Plan activities together.  Don’t ignore the child; ignore the misbehavior.  Teach self-sufficiency.

I belong.

secure

COOPERATION

CAPABLE
Don’t try to win.  Give opportunity and choices so child can display power constructively.
Maintain friendly attitude.

I can do it.

competent
self-control

SELF-RELIANCE

COUNT
Avoid anger and hurt feelings.  Maintain, appreciation in relationship.  Offer chances to help.  Seek support and help in identifying positives. 
(Don’t give up.)

I matter.  I can make a difference.


significant valuable

CONTRIBUTION

COURAGE
Notice only strengths and ignore the negative.  Set up steady exposure to manageable tasks that have a guarantee of success.
No criticism.

I can handle what comes.

hopeful
willing to try

RESILIENCY

Copyright © 1995 Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner.  The authors grant permission to copy this chart for educational purposes only, provided that the authors are cited.



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